I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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