Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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