one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
