Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize