but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
