I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
