I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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