she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
