I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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