You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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