remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
