I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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