dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
