I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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