Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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