I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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