please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
