I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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