It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
