he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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