Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
