is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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