you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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