It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
A+ Viking dick
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