we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
