My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
