I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
