My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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