my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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