goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
