Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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