He is an equal opportunity slut.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
