Quick, to the slutcave!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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