What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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