I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
