my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
