Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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