porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
