I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
