it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
