??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
