turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
