The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
