My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I need to sanitize my soul.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
