Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
