So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
