remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
