Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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