Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
