What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
