fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
