Jerry, you need to find god
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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