This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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