I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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