I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
