On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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