Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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