i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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