i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
