just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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