i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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