SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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