I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
