I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
