So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
