The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
my poor anus
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
