Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
