I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
